“Experience is one thing you can’t get for nothing.” -Oscar Wilde

I try to not use a quote more than once. I hope I’m not. I’m not keeping track.

I got back from Los Angeles 4 days ago and boy do I have a big post coming, not that I’ve even started on it yet. Seeing as how I am home, you can easily guess that I didn’t win the pageant, not that I expected to. I didn’t start this game at the beginning like everyone else did. I was at a great disadvantage and I think it played a major, if not the major, part in me not succeeding in this experience. I kind of did this pageant to fulfill my childhood dream. Well, it didn’t fulfill it. It was nowhere near what I expected. I don’t know if my expectations were too high or if I was greatly wrong of what it should have been. I’m not saying it was all a bad experience. I just didn’t take much, if anything except my title, home with me. I took home A, B, and C with me while everyone else took home new friendships, awards, the crown, free items from their personal sponsors, even pictures. I didn’t take a single picture with anyone else during rehearsals. Okay, I took 1. One with 3 of the girls at a dance practice at one of their apartments. It’s on instagram. But it felt like more of a pity picture because those 3 girls are really good friends and I butted into their relationship and I didn’t even last 2 days in their social circle.

Anyway, I don’t want to complain and say all these girls were rude and mean and didn’t try to include me in anything. They did to some degree. Maybe even more, but I didn’t see it or recognize it. This is just one of those things that happens to me. Only me, as far as I can tell. This isn’t the first time I felt like the loner in a group while everybody else plays family or sisters. This is now the 3rd time. A local theater company for teens made me feel that way the first time while they played family. The second was marching band, for 4 years of playing family. And this is the third, but playing sisters. I didn’t leave at the end of each commitment with a single newfound friendship that I have now. I can’t blame any of the groups, as it has happened three times to me, and I haven’t noticed anybody else in any of the groups that it has happened to. I guess people just aren’t my thing.

In the next post, I’ll go into detail of what we did day-to-day and explain everything more. I don’t have a computer right now and am using my sisters. She isn’t home right now but will be soon. I don’t like to hog her computer, especially when I know she isn’t too fond of me using it in the first place.

Right now, I have 3 classes 2 days a week and I will try to pick up more hours at work. Today is the first time working I like 6 weeks, and the first time this year. Speaking of which, yesterday was January 31st, and it was only the 7th whole day home this year. I miss Los Angeles, even though it didn’t turn out up to my standards.


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