“You’ve got to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable.” -Nick Jonas

Yeah. Lot’s of things make me uncomfortable. I try to avoid them. That doesn’t always work.

I have a secret. I am not going to share it. I have already decided to not share it until I win as Queen of the Universe. If I don’t win, then when the time is right. The time is not right yet.

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The director for the pageant called yesterday to voice some concerns about me. I’m not trying to get sponsors, I don’t call, I’m not trying. My mom felt it was necessary to tell her my secret. She was a bit upset that we left her in the dark.

Here’s the thing, I don’t blame her for feeling this way, but I felt it was something I had to do. I can only think of 4 friends of mine who know. I keep it on the very DL.

I don’t want to say much more on this topic.

I have a horrible case of pneumonia right now. The cold I had a few weeks ago took a wrong turn.

I am out of school for the semester. My tennis coach told me that varsity trains on the break every day and he wants me to join, but only after I feel better. I feel fine, but my body is not able to handle physical activities right now. I almost blacked out in class last week after an in-class tournament. I got 3rd place, and then my vision started to fail me as I almost passed out. I need to build up my endurance and stamina starting tomorrow after work.

Ah, work. Hate that subject. Working at Forever 21 is not a bad job, it’s just not what I want to do. I can see how some people would like it, but I’m not one of those people. And that is absolutely fine. I’m just doing this for the money. Some people there are doing it to hopefully climb the ladder in the company. If that means higher pay, I’ll gladly do it, but I don’t have the time. I don’t get many hours of work. I am working 1 4 hour shift this week. Seriously? I have about $1,000 worth of thing I need to pay for in the next month. Two, maybe three dresses expensive dresses, a hotel in Beverly Hills, Christmas presents, gas, rent, school books for next semester, school supplies for next semester. I haven’t really worked in 3 weeks. I had a show and I have had bad pneumonia for the past month. I worked 1 day last week and one this week. (Oh, and we got a new floor set 3 weeks ago, and I have no idea what it is.) This isn’t going to cut it with my finances. I either need a second job or a different job with more hours. I am in no way bashing my job or work. I am just saying I live a kinda expensive life and it is hard to support it on a (very) part-time job.

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More like the end of my day…

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I believe this on is actually in San Francisco. I could be wrong. I’ve only been to this one once, about 4 years ago.

“Success is dependent on effort.” -Sophocle

And that’s a wrap!

A successful run of the show!

7 performances in 4 days. A Christmas Carol was so much more fun than I thought it was going to be.

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After rereading the post I did about when I was cast, I realize I just need to be more confident and take things as they come. I get stressed out when I over think things, and I over think just about everything. I think it was just stress that made me not want to do this play, but I am so glad I did. Just thinking about how stressful an experience or day will be makes that day stressful for me. Like yesterday. If i thought about it, yesterday would have been a long day for me. But I didn’t. I had two performances with about 2 hours of break time in between. I didn’t have time to eat breakfast in the morning, so I brought a peanut butter and honey sandwich with me(1). I like to have my hair and makeup done before  get to the theater so I am focused and ready to perform. But I did do that yesterday(2). I didn’t bring a lunch with me because the director told us he would provide lunch. I always carry snacks with me, but I normally would have brought my own lunch in this situation(3). I didn’t eat lunch(4). After the second show was over, I had about 2 hours of down time before i had to leave for church. I was asked to help with the children’s Christmas Pageant/show/nativity. I had 4 hours of rehearsal ahead of me(5).

That makes 5 different “stressful” moments in my day yesterday, and it’s only because I over evaluate everything and over prepare. This show, in a weird way, helped me to not worry about it. Just live minute to minute. Who cares what’s happening in 3 hours. That isn’t now. You can’t change anything in the future because it isn’t here yet. I could have easily looked at yesterday and thought This is going to be a long day. In the end, it wasn’t as long of a day as I thought it was going to be.

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I really wish my career would pick up and start moving along. I haven’t done any actual work in L.A. since the commercial. I have only done two things. I don’t think of myself as a professional. I won’t until I am financially able to quit my job at Forever 21 and move to L.A. without worrying about being in debt.

“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” -Auguste Rodin

Tomorrow is show numbers 6 and 7 of A Christmas Carol, and then it is over! I will admit, this show was so much more fun than any other show I have done. I had low expectations the whole time. Actually being at the theater just has this vibe about it. I love it. I am starting to feel comfortable on stage. The only thing is I suck at improvisational acting, so if something goes wrong in my scenes, don’t look at me. I wouldn’t know how to get it back on track.

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I am really looking forward to next semester at school, but I know it is going to by physically and mentally challenging. I’m taking 12 units, 4 classes. English is 5 units, tennis is 3 units, fundamentals of acting is 3 units, and then a guidance class, 1 unit.  I haven’t taken a real class in 1 1/2 years. Just choir, tennis, and a running class. And I have pneumonia right now. It is going to be hard to get rid of it.

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On this page, there are pictures of some of the delegates in The Queen of the Universe Pageant.

http://www.queenuniversepageant.com/contestant.html

Some of the girls who are also in it have it labeled as their job on FaceBook. Like, is it really a job? I’m not getting paid to do this. I am paying to do this. “Miss Canada in the Queen of the Universe Pageant 2012” What do you think? Should I add it as a job also?

The coronation ball is on January 12th. I think the ball is then…maybe it is the actual pageant.

I am friends with one of the girls who is also in the pageant. She is posting pictures all the time of hanging out with some of the other delegates. That really makes me feel left out. Grated, I can’t go bar hopping with them because I’m 19, but there are also pictures of them doing the workshop together. Oh, the workshop. I wasn’t invited to that. It was the day after my last audition. I could have made it. But, no. I got an e-mail saying how wonderful it was to see almost all the delegates at the workshop and how much fun they had. Yeah. Thanks for the invite. I don’t know if that email was sent to the junk folder automatically or I wasn’t sent one.

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There are things I want to say, but I shall save it for another time, perhaps after the pageant is over.

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” -Oscar Wilde

And opening night is completed!

Well, not night. A 2 pm show and a 7:30 show. Two in one day.

The rehearsals have been bumpy, all the way to last night, the final dress rehearsal. And today’s performances were so good!

Except…….

I dropped a line. And a half. In the second performance, I almost fell on stage after I entered the scene, and I forgot to say my line! I feel horrible. The next two lines after that that other people say were not said because they didn’t get their cue, me. Then it was my line again and I forgot the first sentence because I realized I forgot my line. The rest of that scene went without a problem, and so did the next scene I’m in. Because I was so mad at myself ans nervous that was going to happen again, I nearly forgot my lines in the next scene I am in. I didn’t forget them, but I flat-lined the first sentence.

I had a  horrible cold two weeks ago that lasted 1 1/2 weeks. I didn’t think I was going to have my voice back in time for the opening show. I do, but the horrible cold led to pneumonia. So I have been hacking and coughing my lungs out back stage, and having cough attacks that last for a few minutes where I can’t stop coughing to save my life. It’s bad, but right now, it is so much better than a week ago.

I’m planning on taking pictures to add to my portfolio soon. Maybe I’ll take them on Monday.

It’s kind of hard to not look at yourself a lot in the dressing rooms when 2 walls are pretty much mirrors. And I know this sounds weird, but my dad is amazed at technology, specifically cell phones. How you can video chat with someone across the United States or world. And all the apps he has on his iPhone. Makeup is similar to me. I look at myself before I put makeup on and I don’t look very good. Acne scars, current acne and pimples, discoloration. 30 minutes later, it’s all gone. I have one skin color, I have defined cheeks, full eyebrows, eyelashes, far less noticeable acne. Not perfect, but much better. In the show, I have big false eyelashes (which I call my hair lashes because they are made of human hair) and a ponytail wig of curls, because my hair won’t curl. That plus dramatic stage essentials (bright blush, dark lips) makes a big difference in how I look. I’ll post a picture next week.

This show is much more fun than I thought it would be. 🙂

Time to go punish myself for dropping a line. How about a 45 minute workout?