“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” -Spike Milligan

The title is about money because I went to an audition yesterday in Hollywood. I paid for the gas. I don’t think I should have paid for the gas. I don’t think anyone should have paid for the gas. It pisses me of that anyone had to pay for the gas. I’m not saying I should have gotten gas money for it, but the audition was such a joke, in my opinion, that I shouldn’t have gone. I drive 300 miles there for a joke audition, drive 300 miles back, and am exhausted during work the next day for nothing.

I got to the audition an hour early, and the audition was at a book store in Hollywood. We wandered around the store for an hour and then waited outside in a line. I was dressed in a cheetah print halter dress and gladiator style brown sandals. The info in the email said to dress the part. I did. I was audition for Jane, as in Tarzan and Jane. There were other girls there in workout clothes and no makeup and then there were girls, literally  in leopard print skimpy bikinis or mid drift shirts and mini skirts and 6 inch heels, and guys without shoes or shirts. And, I was one of the shortest girls there. Driving by, you would have thought we were auditioning for a jungle porno. Anyway, they called in 3 people at a time, and I was in the 3rd group. I was the second one to go in my group. We were to go up in front of a group of people, who were there for a book signing, and tell why in a bout 30 seconds why I would make a good Jane, or Tarzan for the guys. No joke, the girl before me stripped off all her clothes, on camera, to reveal a tiny leopard print bikini, a ten body, and was pretty in shape. How am I going to get the job if nobody is taking it seriously and professionally but I am? That was no way to come to an audition! No to mention all the talk I was listening in on about “if nothing happens by 7:30, I’m leaving”. I felt so out of place. So, I went up there and I have no idea what I said. The first thing I said was “sorry, but I’m not going to take off my clothes” and they thought it was hilarious. Hopefully, that will make them remember me and want me.

Oh. There was a guy behind me was saying how he had researched the whole Tarzan thing and it was real and he was telling the story of Tarzan, obviously flirting with some of the other girls. I was listening in, and he was retelling the Disney version of Tarzan, exactly. It was actually pretty funny.

But it felt like a joke. Like thinking you are being sent to an audition for a big production that will run for 50 performances and thousands in the audience every night, but when you get to the audition, it ends up being a small church production or a kindergarten class production for parents day. If you did end up getting the part of Tarzan or Jane, you get a small cash prize and you go to the other book signings with the author and be the characters from her book. Yeah, that would be fun, but the pay is so small, I would be spending more money to go there than I would be making money actually doing the job. It would be good improv experience. I wouldn’t mind the job, but if I don’t get it, I’ll be really angry that I actually went to the audition. Not to mention I already am.

Oh, not to mention that right before the audition, I had a iced tea from Peete’s Coffee and I didn’t realize at first, but there was caffeine in it. I’m allergic to caffeine. I was so sick for the first 3 hours of driving home. I don’t mean puking sick, but I get anxiety attacks, when I’m not anxious, for no reason, I get this thing called brain zaps, I get jittery, dizzy, my brain gets fuzzy, I can’t focus, I start talking about random things, and then change the subject. It was bad.

Over all, a bad experience. And no, if I get the job, I’m not going to say it was a good experience. The audition was a bad experience. The actual job might be a good experience.

It felt good to be in Hollywood again. I was in the same area as I was the last time I was there 2 1/2 months ago. It is all so familiar.

gofuckingnuts

I treated myself to Panda Express today. And Wendy’s yesterday. And McDonalds. Yeah. I’m going running in about an hour. Just finished the last of the Panda Express. I made it last 2 meals, breakfast and lunch and a snack after work.

Semper fi.

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