“All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers.” -Francois Fenelon

Fact- I don’t know how it happened, but I am now the root recent problems/fights. 

Fact- I can’t change what happened.

Fact- I won’t change to change it.

I don’t know how it happened, but I believe there is some sibling jealousy and rivalry going on. It is, somehow, my fault. I have one, if not more, siblings who are jealous that I go to L.A. so often and that I recently booked a pageant, at the end of this year, and a movie, that I am filming in tomorrow. I’m not even getting paid for tomorrow.

I’m leaving in 3 hours, and I still have things to do. I need to put my clothes in the dryer, make my food for tomorrow, because fast food isn’t healthy and it is more costly than making your own food, pack my clothes (because I am bringing my own wardrobe, I don’t have any there), pack my makeup (because I am also doing my own hair and makeup), pack my stuff (like a book, computer, computer cord, extra clothes, makeup, ect.), and other things.

The fights are kind of petty sometimes, but I know I am the root of them. If someone wants to do something but we don’t have money, I know we don’t have money because the L.A. trip 2 weeks ago, costing $250, put us another week behind in bills. If someone wants to go somewhere but I have a car in L.A., and we only have one other car, someone will have it at work and they can’t go where they need/want to. Or I might need something when I go to L.A., but someone at home wants it.

And then there are the fights that have the “If this were McKenna, you would let her go” lines that have started recently. First of all, no. Don’t go there. Second, I am a different person. It is a different situation. You aren’t me. I’m not you.  I can’t help it. I have wanted to do this since I was 9. Now that I have it, I’m not letting go easily.

Eh. There’s no peace or love going on here right now. But I give you my last bits of peace, love, and the image of peas in your head.

 

 

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