“Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge.” -Abraham Joshua Heschel

I need to keep wondering, instead of worrying. I have my first film role on Wednesday, staring 5 major, A-list actors. I don’t want to say just now who they are. It could be bad, I don’t know. I need to focus on wondering how my acting will be, instead of worrying about it. I have never actually acted before. I was in The King and I last summer, but I was only on stage for 3-5 scenes, and we didn’t talk. We sang. I was a Royal Wife, but then again, there was 10 of us. And we made up the chorus. I need to see the positive in this, though. I kind of wanted to slowly work my way into this business, but it looks like I will be jumping right in. I am usually one who jumps right into the pool, not slowly walk in, though.

I am happy that there are no lines for my role. I know that sounds weird, coming from someone who wants to be an actress, but I have the worst memory, and I’m not just saying that. I really do have a bad memory. I have a hard time memorizing names, numbers, lines, street names, and how to get places. There are exceptions, but it is still hard for me. I had a video audition about 2 months ago. The scene took 30 seconds to do. It took me 30 minutes to completely memorize the lines. A normal actor would only take 5 minutes. The audition for the movie about Amy Grant, I have 3 hours to memorize the lines, a 1 minute scene. I couldn’t remember. I botched the audition. It was bad, but I covered okay. It took me about a year to remember my cell phone number, mainly because I hardly have it out. I don’t call my self, so why should I know it? When I tech for a show, I usually keep my cue sheet with me for every performance and look at I ever 5 minutes to make sure I don’t move the wrong set or I don’t move at the wrong cue. Even if I have everything memorized. 

Anyway, that is all I have right now. I am probably leaving home between 12-4 am on Wednesday, and it will only be my mom and myself. It’s going to be a long day. (Jordan is at camp, my dad will be working, and Kelsey will be home with Nina. I know I didn’t want to use names in this blog, but seeing as how most views are from people I know, they would know my siblings. I guess I just won’t use friends names.) I work Tuesday and Thursday, so that won’t be a problem.

I’m kinda mad at myself. I hate my hands, and I think they look better when I grow out my nails and paint a french tip on them or some color. During load out yesterday, moving the sets out of the theater and back to the warehouse, I broke 5 nails. 3 on my left hand and two on my right. I think those fingers look disgusting now. I don’t know what to do. I am filming in 2 days and I have disgusting hands. Ugh!

Peace, love, and the image of brownies in your head. 


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